Anyway, a few years back I was carpooling with a clean-car friend, and the first time her daughter got in my van, she asked "Why is your car so messy?"
Flustered, I babbled something about being busy that week and the weather being bad so I couldn't get outside to clean my car. The following week, the little sweetheart climbed in my still-filthy van and asked the same question. {Sidenote: it's amazing how the honesty of children can be such an effective shaming tool.} I again mumbled some nonsense about schedules, messy kids, shop vac being broken, blahblahblah...
Guess what happened the next week? That's right, she climbed into my still-not-clean-so-clearly-kid-induced-shame-does-not-work-on-me-van and asked once again, "Why is your van always so messy?" I decided to cut the junk and just tell her the truth. "Well, I guess it just isn't that important to me to have a clean van."
It took 3 weeks of a 6-year-old pointing out the obvious before I realized that I was making excuses for why my van was messy. And that little girl wasn't buying it. She knew at 6 what I was dragging my feet to realize myself--I just chose to NOT clean my van. I chose that. It wasn't that important to me. I had the time; I just used it for other things. Things that mattered more, even if they maybe shouldn't. I didn't need to have excuses, I just needed to be honest about my choices.
That concept has been chasing me these last few weeks. I didn't sit down and write out a resolution list for 2014 because Christmas was busy, ministry was busy, the kids were busy, we got the flu... (are you catching the sarcasm?). Here's the thing: since the kids started school way back in September, I have been seeking direction from the Lord for my life. I have more 'flex' time now, and I want to be intentional about using it. So, I spent a lot of time praying about this, and one thing I felt compelled to do was give more attention to writing. Guess how many times I've written anything in 5 months? Twice. Two things. Because, you see, there were so many excuses I allowed into my life, and they ate up all my time.
I heard a woman in her 60's say recently "I always meant to lose weight and exercise. I never meant to be chubby my whole adult life." I laughed along with her, but those words stuck in my brain. How easily could I say, 30 years from now, "I always meant to do more writing but I just never got around to it."? Very, very easily. In fact, it's been happening already for the past 5 months.
So, God made me see it. He turned my gaze and focus directly to the phrase "NO MORE EXCUSES" and then, like He does, he started showing me how many times every day I make excuses for things. And not just writing, but other things, and other responsibilities that fall to the wayside. He has been showing me a lot about what it means to be intentional, decisive and prayerful about how I use my time. Here are some things He's helped me see...
- Excuses aren't always bad things, but they are still excuses. The things that fill my days are often good things, but they still keep me from doing what I feel I'm being led to do. Babysitting? Good. Volunteering at the kids' schools? Good. Hanging out with elderly family members? Good. Meeting with women from church? Good. Working out? Good. Ministry stuff? Good. These are all good things, but they use up all the extra time that I have during the week. I need to strike a balance between these good things and the new things I want to prioritize. Otherwise, I could end up resenting the good things, followed closely by guilt, and if there's anything a mom does NOT need more of, it's guilt. I should be able to do most of these good things, but on a smaller scale or not as often, so that I can do the new things too.
- Like anything else that needs to be done, I have to actually put any priorities I have into my schedule. And then not move them. I never tell the kids that I meant to make their lunches, but then something came up, so they are just going to have to grab a string cheese and make the best of it. Healthy, balanced lunches are important, so I make it happen. If I don't do that with writing, it absolutely makes sense that it will get squeezed out when the planned things take longer than expected or there are too many unplanned things that I say 'yes' to. Which leads me to this one:
- Say no sometimes and be okay with it. Because my kids are in school all day, I feel the need to say yes to everything, because I am now the type of woman that many young moms and working women look at and think "She's got all the time in the world to do stuff now." I know this because I used to think it when I was a teacher, and then when I had three little kids who needed me all day every day. I would look at SAHMs with older kids and think "Sister, you have ARRIVED." And I certainly have more freedom in my schedule, but that schedule gets filled every. single. week. The 5-years-ago-me would be shocked at how easily and quickly this happens. Unless I say 'no' to some things some times, I won't have time for the things I want to try.
- Excuses rob me of accountability. It is SO EASY to say "Oh, I meant to do that today, but then this happened, so maybe I'll get to it tomorrow." But, deep down, I know that often the 'things' are excuses rather than emergencies. And because I know this deep down, I ultimately end up feeling guilty for not doing a better job at prioritizing. If, instead, I am intentional about how my days are spent I can go to sleep guilt-free, knowing what happened that day was either planned or was an actual emergency.
