Tomorrow I send my baby boy off on a bus to Kindergarten.
The 5 years ago me didn't really believe this day would ever come. Or that it would at least take a much longer time to get here. 5 years ago I was up to my eyeballs in diapers, nursery songs, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, sleepless nights, spit-up, and potty training. It was wonderful. I mean, it was really hard, of course, (my own sinful nature became painfully apparent all too often), but I looked forward to being a mom and having babies from the time I was a little girl. In my childlike mind, nothing could be better than spending a day cuddling a sweet baby, so when our first daughter was born, it was a longing fulfilled. Ellie was followed 2 years later by a second daughter, Cassie. Raising sisters was a blessing I couldn't believe I got to live. Our family was complete 2 years after that when we added our son, our grand finale, Jared. It was what I had spent so many afternoons practicing for and dreaming about as a child. Three small kids, all mine, all day. Let me tell you, I was clueless about how hard parenting was when I was 7. (Also, to my credit, Cabbage Patch Dolls don't eat, talk or poop, so it's rather misleading.) As difficult as it was to be a stay-at-home mom of 3 young kids, battling exhaustion, struggling to hold on to even a little bit of patience, becoming everyday more aware of my own limited ability to be grace-filled, it was the most amazing, precious, life-changing, hurt-your-heart wonderful time of my life.
And now it's over.
I've had a hundred cliches running through my mind for the last 6 months or so about the fleeting moments of infancy, toddlerhood, the preschool years. They're not just cliches anymore. It's really happened to me, too. My babies aren't babies anymore, and I have to figure out how to be okay with that. No, I need to be more than okay. I need to be joyful over the close to this chapter and the beginning of a new one. Thankfully, I am blessed to have some godly women in my life who have walked this road already, and can speak wisdom into my life for this time. And I am praying, and trying, to embrace this change. I know God will be faithful to show me what He has in store for me next, and that it will me more than I could have asked or imagined.
But for now, tonight, I just need to take some deep breaths and pray that when I hug Jared, my Bubba, good-bye tomorrow and watch him get on that bus, I won't be a completely ridiculous mess. Please, Lord, don't let me be the embarrassing Mom. Amen.
