The End of an Era

Tomorrow I send my baby boy off on a bus to Kindergarten. 

The 5 years ago me didn't really believe this day would ever come.  Or that it would at least take a much longer time to get here.  5 years ago I was up to my eyeballs in diapers, nursery songs, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, sleepless nights, spit-up, and potty training.  It was wonderful.  I mean, it was really hard, of course, (my own sinful nature became painfully apparent all too often), but I looked forward to being a mom and having babies from the time I was a little girl.  In my childlike mind, nothing could be better than spending a day cuddling a sweet baby, so when our first daughter was born, it was a longing fulfilled.  Ellie was followed 2 years later by a second daughter, Cassie.  Raising sisters was a blessing I couldn't believe I got to live.  Our family was complete 2 years after that when we added our son, our grand finale, Jared.  It was what I had spent so many afternoons practicing for and dreaming about as a child.  Three small kids, all mine, all day.  Let me tell you, I was clueless about how hard parenting was when I was 7.  (Also, to my credit, Cabbage Patch Dolls don't eat, talk or poop, so it's rather misleading.) As difficult as it was to be a stay-at-home mom of 3 young kids, battling exhaustion, struggling to hold on to even a little bit of patience, becoming everyday more aware of my own limited ability to be grace-filled, it was the most amazing, precious, life-changing, hurt-your-heart wonderful time of my life. 

And now it's over. 

I've had a hundred cliches running through my mind for the last 6 months or so about the fleeting moments of infancy, toddlerhood, the preschool years.  They're not just cliches anymore.  It's really happened to me, too.  My babies aren't babies anymore, and I have to figure out how to be okay with that.  No, I need to be more than okay.  I need to be joyful over the close to this chapter and the beginning of a new one.  Thankfully, I am blessed to have some godly women in my life who have walked this road already, and can speak wisdom into my life for this time.  And I am praying, and trying, to embrace this change.  I know God will be faithful to show me what He has in store for me next, and that it will me more than I could have asked or imagined.

But for now, tonight, I just need to take some deep breaths and pray that when I hug Jared, my Bubba, good-bye tomorrow and watch him get on that bus, I won't be a completely ridiculous mess.  Please, Lord, don't let me be the embarrassing Mom.  Amen.