It's been 6 weeks or so since I sent my littlest nugget off on a bus to school all day. I had no clue what to expect from all the quiet that was about to enter my life, and all the choices I would be able to make with the 6 hours the kiddos were in school. It's been an eye-opening time. Here are some things I've learned in these few weeks...
1. I did not, nor will I probably ever, morph into a Type A person when there are no children underfoot. This was not really a serious expectation of mine, but looking through all those magazines for the past 10 years with all those lists of how to do everything better made me sort of hope I could complete those lists once I had some more time on my hands. Nope.
2. The day really does go by quickly. I thought for sure that I would spend at least a few minutes a day pining over my children, but I must say, there's not much time for pining. A few chores, a quick workout, lunch, an errand, and it's time to put on my gameface for the homework/dinner/bath/bedtime craziness.
3. The dog has not been harboring a secret ability to speak that he was just waiting to bust out when I actually gave him my undivided attention. He's actually pretty non-responsive, and he has yet to show any enthusiasm at all when I ask his opinion about my shoe options for the day.
4. The amount of housecleaning, laundry, food preparation and errand running has not diminished in any way now that the kids are gone a good chunk of the day. I guess that was a semi-embarrassing realization, as I found myself surprised at the fact that a good portion of my week is STILL spent sorting, washing, drying, folding, putting away, and repeat, repeat, repeat....
5. As an introvert, I really like quiet sometimes. It does not bother me at all to have no one to talk to but myself. (the dog, as I mentioned earlier, is hopeless) In fact, I feel like my brain cells are starting to replenish, and I've mentioned to more than one person that I am recalling words and other information that I didn't even realize was still in the dusty old archives of my brain. See?!?! ARCHIVES, ha!
6. As much as the basic chores and errands haven't diminished, I appreciate the fact that I can now get most of those things done without tripping over toddlers. I can get ready and walk out the door in, like, a minute, and I'm not sweating by the time I get to the car with a bunch of kids and a diaper bag hanging off my neck. I can talk on the phone without a cacophony of "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy" in the background. I can use the bathroom privately. (I can hear the wistful sighs of all you young moms on that one :)
7. The hurt over all my babies no longer being babies, though quieted down some, is still there. As much as I am enjoying this new stage, I wonder if every new stage brings, along with excitement and promise, a little scar tissue from the joys that have passed into memory.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Sunday, August 26, 2012
The End of an Era
Tomorrow I send my baby boy off on a bus to Kindergarten.
The 5 years ago me didn't really believe this day would ever come. Or that it would at least take a much longer time to get here. 5 years ago I was up to my eyeballs in diapers, nursery songs, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, sleepless nights, spit-up, and potty training. It was wonderful. I mean, it was really hard, of course, (my own sinful nature became painfully apparent all too often), but I looked forward to being a mom and having babies from the time I was a little girl. In my childlike mind, nothing could be better than spending a day cuddling a sweet baby, so when our first daughter was born, it was a longing fulfilled. Ellie was followed 2 years later by a second daughter, Cassie. Raising sisters was a blessing I couldn't believe I got to live. Our family was complete 2 years after that when we added our son, our grand finale, Jared. It was what I had spent so many afternoons practicing for and dreaming about as a child. Three small kids, all mine, all day. Let me tell you, I was clueless about how hard parenting was when I was 7. (Also, to my credit, Cabbage Patch Dolls don't eat, talk or poop, so it's rather misleading.) As difficult as it was to be a stay-at-home mom of 3 young kids, battling exhaustion, struggling to hold on to even a little bit of patience, becoming everyday more aware of my own limited ability to be grace-filled, it was the most amazing, precious, life-changing, hurt-your-heart wonderful time of my life.
And now it's over.
I've had a hundred cliches running through my mind for the last 6 months or so about the fleeting moments of infancy, toddlerhood, the preschool years. They're not just cliches anymore. It's really happened to me, too. My babies aren't babies anymore, and I have to figure out how to be okay with that. No, I need to be more than okay. I need to be joyful over the close to this chapter and the beginning of a new one. Thankfully, I am blessed to have some godly women in my life who have walked this road already, and can speak wisdom into my life for this time. And I am praying, and trying, to embrace this change. I know God will be faithful to show me what He has in store for me next, and that it will me more than I could have asked or imagined.
But for now, tonight, I just need to take some deep breaths and pray that when I hug Jared, my Bubba, good-bye tomorrow and watch him get on that bus, I won't be a completely ridiculous mess. Please, Lord, don't let me be the embarrassing Mom. Amen.
The 5 years ago me didn't really believe this day would ever come. Or that it would at least take a much longer time to get here. 5 years ago I was up to my eyeballs in diapers, nursery songs, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, sleepless nights, spit-up, and potty training. It was wonderful. I mean, it was really hard, of course, (my own sinful nature became painfully apparent all too often), but I looked forward to being a mom and having babies from the time I was a little girl. In my childlike mind, nothing could be better than spending a day cuddling a sweet baby, so when our first daughter was born, it was a longing fulfilled. Ellie was followed 2 years later by a second daughter, Cassie. Raising sisters was a blessing I couldn't believe I got to live. Our family was complete 2 years after that when we added our son, our grand finale, Jared. It was what I had spent so many afternoons practicing for and dreaming about as a child. Three small kids, all mine, all day. Let me tell you, I was clueless about how hard parenting was when I was 7. (Also, to my credit, Cabbage Patch Dolls don't eat, talk or poop, so it's rather misleading.) As difficult as it was to be a stay-at-home mom of 3 young kids, battling exhaustion, struggling to hold on to even a little bit of patience, becoming everyday more aware of my own limited ability to be grace-filled, it was the most amazing, precious, life-changing, hurt-your-heart wonderful time of my life.
And now it's over.
I've had a hundred cliches running through my mind for the last 6 months or so about the fleeting moments of infancy, toddlerhood, the preschool years. They're not just cliches anymore. It's really happened to me, too. My babies aren't babies anymore, and I have to figure out how to be okay with that. No, I need to be more than okay. I need to be joyful over the close to this chapter and the beginning of a new one. Thankfully, I am blessed to have some godly women in my life who have walked this road already, and can speak wisdom into my life for this time. And I am praying, and trying, to embrace this change. I know God will be faithful to show me what He has in store for me next, and that it will me more than I could have asked or imagined.
But for now, tonight, I just need to take some deep breaths and pray that when I hug Jared, my Bubba, good-bye tomorrow and watch him get on that bus, I won't be a completely ridiculous mess. Please, Lord, don't let me be the embarrassing Mom. Amen.
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